Tag Archives: Grief

Farewell to Caesar

One reckless driver. One little dog crossing the road. Two broken hearts. The world is full of greater tragedies; broken hearts are a dime a dozen. But for Sage and me, this loss is everything. We’ll heal. We’re already starting. But “If only” and “Never again” are hobgoblins, creeping out when I least expect them, […]

Elegy for Emma

A few nights ago, there was an unexpected knock at the door. At first, I assumed that Paul had been on Amazon again. I thought it was odd for a delivery to be made so long past dark, but I opened the door fully expecting to sign for something. It wasn’t a deliveryman, though; it […]

The End of the Story

Every story has to end, even one as long and epic as Grandma’s. She made it to her 98th birthday–barely; she died at 1:10 am. But she made it. Since she was 98, her passing was neither tragic nor unexpected. But it still hurt, and it still hurts. Yes, she lived a long, full life, […]

In Memory of Minerva

I thought Minerva was the Eternal Chicken. Older than my eight-year-old son, she strutted proudly through yard and garden year after year, her black, bronze, and gold feathers glistening in the sun. She could outwit predators and escape any enclosure, no matter how much my husband tried to heighten the fence and (literally) clip her […]

Choosing my story

As my grief for my dog Chaussette has calmed, I’ve had time to reflect on her role in my life. I’ve concluded that whether it’s attributable to God, Buddha, Allah, the Force, or just a desperate human attempt to find meaning in the random, there really WAS a reason for her brief sojourn with me. […]

A Formal Feeling

I’ve finally moved from Emily Dickinson’s “Sweeping up the heart” phase of grief for my dog Chaussette to her “After a great pain/A formal feeling comes” phase. (Emily Dickinson makes a perceptive guide when navigating the waters of sorrow.) My initial reaction to Chaussette’s premature death—she was barely a year old—was not just sadness, but […]

Sweeping up the heart

Last night was my first night without Chaussette. It should have been wonderful and luxurious, my first opportunity in weeks for eight hours of uninterrupted sleep. (Chaussette could tell when seizures were coming, and she’d figured out quickly that the best way to get some human attention when that happened was to jump up on […]

Remembering Chaussette

I started this blog in order to help me deal with my grief over my dog Peri’s death, and now I’ve come full circle: it’s Chaussette I have to grieve today. I’ve known this was coming since November, when the vet gave her a grim prognosis after a severe seizure episode. And yet I couldn’t […]

November flowers and vegetable love

As I write this, I’m sadly coming full circle to the beginning of my blog, which I’d started to help me grieve when Peri, the dog I’d had for thirteen years, became paralyzed and had to be put to sleep. I’d fallen into a dark place, feeling empty and lacerated, until I got my puppy […]